You’re getting close. That’s why it’s getting tough.
Shoot, there’s something new that you’ve got to do. You’ve got to change the way you communicate with a peer. You’re having a very difficult time of it. It’s like you cannot even hear what he’s saying. It’s gotten so bad that you don’t even want to be in the same room with him. The list of times when your conversations have fallen off the rails is too long to remember. It’s constant. You know that a better relationship with this guy requires leveling up to respectful conversations that lead to collaborative decision-making.
And, it’s not only him that needs to change. It’s you, too.
This is the place where I often find my coaching clients. In need of doing something different. At their core, they understand they have something to do with the difficulty they are experiencing and have no idea where to start to fix it. We work together to create a safe space where things often unspoken can be shared without judgment.
The fix starts with self-awareness. The old-fashioned mirror they must hold up in front of themselves to name the things that are their truth; and the things they keep telling themselves that simply are not true.
Oh, this is hard work! It’s far easier to talk about what the other person is doing wrong. If my clients don’t want to, or find it difficult at first, to talk about themselves, I’ll go along with them, to a point. And then the question is, “when he does or says this, what is YOUR response?” And there begins self-reflection.
Change is uncomfortable for a lot of folx. And so is getting to our truth. Self-awareness is the path toward change that will reveal to you how far you have to go! And when you break through the clutter of what isn’t, to find yourself at what is, you are emotionally exhausted and maybe just a little mad at your coach!
I understand and I’m here to get you to your new way of being. That place where you don’t take the bait that your peer tosses your way. You find a new way to respond that removes the pressure you used to feel and that isn’t combative, resistant or defensive. It’s new. It’s fresh. And it causes your conversation partner to rethink how they are approaching you.
Remember the adage, “if you keep doing the same thing, you’ll get the same result.”
Spend some time with a mirror, or find a good coach, and get started on a new way of being. Be the one to show up differently. And know that when it feels the hardest that you’re very close to your newness.