Have you ever experienced presenting an idea or decision and the response you get is harsh? Nearly critical? Is your natural response to shift toward defending your idea or decision? I’ve known that feeling in my lifetime and as I matured in leadership, sharpened my insticts, and elevated my communication, defending a decision became a thing of the past.
According to Merriam-Webster, the transitive verb, defend, means to drive danger or attack away; to maintain or support in the face of argument or hostile criticism. Oh, boy! When the hot winds of danger, attack, argument or hostile criticism come our way is there any doubt that becoming defensive is our natural instinct?
I found my body reacting in unhealthy ways when I received a strongly stated question as an attack. My heart raced and my words were nervously delivered. I physically felt as if I was on my heels bracing myself against a strong wind and the words I chose were aligned with my emotional state. I lost the ability to get to the facts, finding myself selecting the least effective language to defend my position.
“I will always explain my decision or point of view, but I will not defend it.”
Now, I must admit that not every question that came my way was intended to knock me off my feet, but some were. And that’s where I learned that defending my decisions was a position of weakness. Explaining my decisions was a position of power and quickly exhibited a level of confidence. That kind of undeniable confidence that makes the person asking the question wonder why they did!
Today, when faced with abrasive, forceful questions designed to undermine my intelligence and weaken my confidence, I start my response with this, “I will always explain my decision or point of view, but I will not defend it.” That, generally, takes the heat off of the exchange – the temperature down – allowing for a respectful conversation to emerge.
Desired outcome achieved. Self-confidence intact. Leadership language learned.